Including Those Who Don't Include Us

By DR. PETRA WELDES

This article appeared in the August 2018 issue of Science of Mind magazine

I don’t know where I first heard the phrase, but I’ve been consistently uncomfortable with how much I resonate with the phrase “I’m intolerant of their intolerance.” Isn’t this one of the most annoying problems we confront in our pluralistic, divided society, as well as in our inclusive philosophy? We say we include everyone, yet we prefer to hang around like-minded people. We say we honor all paths, but when their teachings are not as tolerant as ours, we believe they need to become more “enlightened.” It’s a conundrum for sure. I face this personally in my own family, where religious intolerance dismisses my faith and vilifies my love for my wife. Why should I include someone who doesn’t include me? I am challenged by my son who loves his guns, folks in our spiritual community who are uncomfortable with our global vision, and a culture that seems to be going backward rather than forward in terms of social justice, equal rights and the environment. It’s easy to wonder, “What are they thinking?” from an “enlightened” point of view. Unfortunately, this wondering, when it is focused on people, is actually disguised judgment about people, their personhood or their sanity. The difference here is between the idea itself and the person who holds the idea. We can absolutely disagree with an idea, and we do not even have to like a person enough to want to be their friend. But we must learn to see that beneath an idea we don’t like or a person with whom we don’t resonate as a spiritual being, the universal is incarnated in individuality, the divine love and light seeking to express itself through that person. When we can separate an idea from a person, we begin to realize that inclusivity includes everyone, even if we don’t agree with them or their ideas. As Evelyn Beatrice Hall once wrote, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” ​

RADICAL INCLUSIVITY

In my community at CSLDallas, we call this being “radically inclusive” and have it as part of our purpose statement. Regularly, we are confronted with the differences of opinion between our liberal and conservative members, between those who carry guns and those who don’t, and between our African-American and white members. Each time someone comes to me with a complaint about “them” or about CSLDallas doing or being involved in something they don’t agree with, I remind us all that this is what being radically inclusive means. It means we see each other as part of the whole, each unique and worthy of love and respect. It means that we can disagree, we can listen and we can speak, but we do it with civility and care for each other because we know who we are and who the other one is. We are all God. This is not always an easy task, and yet it absolutely changes everything. In May 2018, Dallas hosted the annual National Rifle Association convention while Faith Forward, a group of clergy from all faith traditions, held a prayer vigil to bring awareness to the number of people killed by gun violence. Because this prayer vigil was for unity, safety and responsibility rather than being against guns, we felt CSLDallas should participate. We hosted an hour of songs, prayers and readings. At the end of the service — after singing about love and connection, praying to be used for good in the world and declaring a new idea about responsible gun ownership — I concluded the final prayer by asking everyone to imagine that all those attending the NRA convention were standing within the circle of love we had created. We blessed them all with love, and we saw them as divine beings just like us. At the end of the evening, a Methodist priest came to me and thanked me for that moment. She shared that her father was most likely one of those convention-goers and that she was troubled by his participation. Upon placing him, along with everyone else, in the circle of love, she was changed. She didn’t have to agree with him, but she could see how he was included in this divine circle we are all part of. This is one of our greatest spiritual tasks — to include those we don’t want to include in our circle of love. This does not mean we have to agree with their ideas, nor does it mean we have to become friends. It means we know we are connected at some deeper level. This creates the opening for connection, understanding, healing and reconciliation. This is how diversity and inclusion help create a world that works for everyone.

PRACTICES TO INCLUDE THOSE WHO DON'T INCLUDE US

1. When you want to exclude someone from your life or circle, examine if you are disagreeing with their ideas or judging them as a person. Who in your life are you excluding from your circle of love? Who in your life can you include by accepting behaviors and ideas you disagree with? 2. What resentment or regret is this creating? 3. Explore how comfortable you are with listening to someone with different ideas. Can you examine their ideas without questioning their reason or heart? 4. Notice how comfortable you are with speaking your ideas even when someone disagrees with you. Are you willing to speak for your truth and present your thoughts without implying that disagreement means the other person is stupid or unenlightened? 5. Explore the difference between seeing the truth in someone and accepting ideas or behaviors that you disagree with. Excluding someone’s posts on Facebook is not the same as kicking them out of the circle of love. You are free to create healthy, authentic boundaries for yourself without implying that someone else is outside of the love of God. ​